Neighborhood Watch: PYT in the Piazza has come to stand for everything Philadelphians hate about hipsters

Are you friends with Tommy Up on facebook? (Of course you are: the man has near 5,000 "friends.") Then you probably already know about the mass cultural throwdown being waged over T-Up's sweet burger child/Hipster HQ at the Piazza, PYT -- over the absolute best medium for any and all cultural throwdowns: Yelp. (as if it could be anything else!)

Tommy Up, on FB

Here are the deets:

PYT is located at the Piazza, which we already know is the center of: cocaine murders, mohawks, hundreds of overpriced/empty art galleries and way nicer architecture than everything else around it. It is inhabited mostly by (if I had to guess) young hipsters with secret money stashes (to spend on rent and overpriced art) who would just assume avoid the rest of the world and travel only in elite hipster packs for the rest of their lives (or something like that.) PYT is a burger joint; it's also a bar, it's also also a place to see and be scene (see what I did there?) And herein lies the problem. Apparently, people have MAJOR negative feelings about this concept.

Let's see what some of the more critical Yelpers had to say.

Here's what looks like an unbiased report from Ben T:

Oof. Where do I start?

I didn't expect stellar service, but man, this was just poor. The place was practically empty and it still took forever for anything to happen. We waited for a good 10 minutes to even get water while our half-naked server (seriously, her nipples were peeking out of the top of her american apparel tank-thong) chatted with her friends a few feet away. My friend ordered an adult shake, which arrived after I was already on my second beer, and clearly had been sitting around as it was half melted. Our server wasn't unpleasant, but it didn't seem like she had any interest in doing anything other than looking pretty, texting, and talking to her friends.

I DID expect a stellar burger, what with all the relentless hype bloating up my inbox. What I got was a 30-minute (!) wait for this little, overcooked patty on a potato roll. Worthless. The fries were borderline inedible; hard as a rock and soaked with grease.

Fittingly, our bill arrived with a Jameson on it that no one had ordered. Upon informing our server, she gave us a dirty look and said "are you sure?" before taking another 10 minutes to fix it. At this point the soundtrack inexplicably switched to mall-punk screamo circa 2002. Farce complete.

the famed "adult milkshake." from Yelp user Walter K.

Ed M. had similar feelings:

Everything about this place, the room, the menu, the food, the employees, the patrons, the owner, screams "I am trying sooooooooo hard to pretend I'm NOT trying sooooo hard to be all cool, that I must be cool." What the fuck happened to Philly? We used to have Balls and Cool. Now have the Piazza and PYT.

And then of course we have the eloquent "DJ. H":

That's this hipster yuppie duche bag inbred albino gentrified overpriced half-baked half-hearted half-assed shithole that smells like hipster-stink.

I'm afraid Plato's Cave allegory DOES most accurately describe this place. What I mean is - here is probably the city's largest hive of marks and social imbeciles herded up like sheep[le] in one place and they are all looking at each other as if the shit-show they are taking part in IS actually real. In Nam we had this hopeless feeling that everything we were doing was fake, one big lie -- fighting for what we thought? Johnson's little adventure in southeast asia? What's in it for us? That is the internal struggle I think the average patron of PYT goes through...

Vietnam War: practically the same thing as going to PYT?

Wow, right? What are people really criticizing here anyway -- the food, or the hipsters? I mean sure, Ben T. said his burger and fries totally blew...and maybe they did. But then on the other side of the spectrum you have people like Mikey I. who claims "Every single damned thing on the menu is just phenomenally genius" or Joy W. who says, "The food is original and good I love the PYT burger and chicken sandwich, the Onion Rings are glorious, and milk shakes are thick and creamy. My husband has had the double and the triple burger and always clears his plate."

PYT burger (unbreaded.com)

So what's the deal? It's hard to say. Maybe Ben T. and co. just had bad experiences; conversely, maybe Mikey and Joy are friends of Tommy Up, replying to his desperate facebook plea for Yelp "TLC." Maybe they're gigantic hipsters themselves. Maybe not. But it begs the question: is slamming PYT because you hate hipsters ok? (I say: yes!!) And when did hipsters become the most despised social group in Philadelphia? What have they ever done to all us anyway? (except for maybe cut us off on their bicycles or kill the Biberry Ale keg at Johnny Brenda's?)

I've never been to PYT myself (someday, maybe) and so I can't comment on the food OR the clientele. What I will say is this: as a self-consciously hipster oasis, PYT is always going to attract outsider scorn, and insider devotion...much like frat houses, NASCAR races, and Jehovah's witness gatherings. Whether this attracts or repels you is sorta up to you. Which brings me to Alicia F.'s review:

A wise woman once told me, "Tell me who you go with & I'll tell you what you are." Since then, I've tried to surround myself with good people & to not judge or "label" those around me. I'm not a "hipster," I don't hate hipsters & frankly, I couldn't care less if the place I am at is littered with self proclaimed hips/yips or otherwise. I am, however, not okay with a place littered with douche bags...and PYT usually is. The amount of people I have met here who seem to believe they are doing something better with their lives than me (or anyone else for that matter) is insurmountable. Frankly, I couldn't give two shits if you think you're going to make it as some Philadelphia celebrity. Most of you will probably amount to nothing & in the meantime, will crush anyone who gets in your path. I have no interest in you & your false personaility, so move along.

Toothpastefordinner. Always right.

BUT! Aside from the people who frequent PYT (which is by no means the business' fault), I can't complain because they make a damn good adult milkshake. I drag everyone with me so I can get one. I find myself mindlessly sucking down a "Caucasian" only to find myself somewhat intoxicated, moments later. Which is good...because then I'm more focused on how good the milkshake was instead of the people around me.

Wax philosophical with me for a moment here, won't you? At some point in the last few centuries, it seems, a restaurant became no longer just a restaurant, but something littered with complex feelings and social consequences. (Pardon my academic speak here; I just spent 30 min. editing a manuscript on I Love the 80s as postmodern nostalgia.) For PYT, it's a cultural battlefield using milkshakes and burgers as weapons. Will the hipsters win, by acting outrageously hipster-y and driving all the outsiders away, so they no longer have ammo with which to write Yelp reviews? Or will the haters triumph on this one, using their spare time and internet prowess to create fake Yelp identities, and slam the restaurant some more? Only time will tell. I'll wait with bated breath on this one.

.