As the acting Packleader, I extend an open invitation to the OP, as well as every other woman out there who is interested in becoming a part of our "pack". R u a scorpio, girl get ova here. Although I may be squashing the fantasies of many reading this, we are not all sleeping with one another . We choose to leave the sexual tension intact within the group, thus allowing us to exude our sexiness and desirability which is clearly visible to all who witness us in all of our glory. The hazing process is simple: keep up with us! You're either IN or your OUUUUT like Heidi Klum. You want to run with the dangerous pack? You have to step up and be an active participant in the madness that ensues wherever we show up and best believe that the parrty don't start till WE walk in! You have to be able to put it round your neck like a hula hoop while you are all up in the SCENE/STIMULUS/ETC. party before we close down the club, we dance on the bartops, slither our way through the dance floor, suck the bartender dry, and makeout with your girlfriends ;) (standard)
We don't allow any shape shiftin bitches so if you wanna be down, you gotta show that you wanna be down, and occasionallly go down (not on us)(yet/ever)(our soon to be friend). We are seeking those that like to keep their grass cut. Can Miss Becky please raise her hand and drop it low girl? Friends are friends so you have to know how to keep it real; if a skinnny bitch is shakin, tell the bitch she's hungry and give her an apple or a basket of wings. Be true, be genuine, be honest, have credibility, and follow through with every word you say. Give her some ranch and some blue cheese with the celery. Be a good person and hold the hair if she throws up or drive her home if she wants to go home, like Avril Lavigne. Failure is not an option so have goals and begin with the end in mind - or else we are already gone like Kelly Clarkson. Time to let us upgraaaaaaaaaaade you. You used to beat that block, but now you can be the block. Here's a few pointers:
We like girls that like girls that like boys that like boys that like girls that like each other, does that make sense? We'll be the best friends that you can ever have, our heart is true, we're a pal and a confidant, but if you fuck wit us then you stuck wit us. We keep it tight and although we all have our own certain patterns, we are the literal definition of first rate. If you don't know you better ask somebody. We're not cocky, but we're confident, hell a few of us would even date ourselves (figuratively speaking). Don't be kinda snotty actin real rude, you know you are gonna read the rest of this cause we posted pictures and you might just wanna show. Shawwwty wanna a thug bottles n PINK in da club.
We are children and elderly friendly so if you happen to be pregnant at one point at your life, we could still still show for your baby shower as well as make you lime jello and a poached egg. We do community events and also serve the elderly. We take them shopping, get them extensions on Kohl's cash, make Wawa extend their hours as well as deliver ice, not to mention take them out for bingo every now and again. "HIIIIIII" A good heart is required to participate in these events as patience is a virtue and watching Oprah is required. If you have preacher hands, you have a good side saddle and can help us feed the community the pudding. For those that don't, be sure to bring Pop-pop his grape vodka and slippers.
Male applicants must apply and read the rules of section 69:42:3OH3:STANDARD.
So what, you're still a rockstar?
Let's trade living in a bar for living in a penthouse, swap the whiskey for a mimosa during Sunday brunch, and change skinny dipping in hotels to flashing hot women and men underwater in a pool at an all inclusive resort in Jamaica. That's a real wolf pack. Show your magical Vagiiiina. That's the Entourage that is IN for 2010.
I could not make something more awesome up if I tried. Even the photos are priceless (note: these photos were included with the ad; I did not add these in). What I want to know is: have you seen the Wolf Pack in action? How rock star are they? And most importantly: Shawwwty wanna a thug bottles n PINK in da club?
That's what I thought.