When did drinking Starbucks become ok again? 5 theories about its surprising rise

It's always been a universally-understood truth among most people I associate with (call 'em hipsters if you must, although everyone knows that term is basically meaningless) that patronizing Starbucks is quintessentially lame. Besides having horrible-tasting, overpriced coffee (hence the nicknames "Charbucks" and "Four Bucks") Starbucks also bears close ties to "THE MAN" -- in the fact that they're a giant corporation, whose universal lattes and "Unplugged" CD line have driven many a little guy outta business. (See "Hipster Revileus" on my handy breakdown.)

Google image result #1 for "Starbucks fail."

And while it's no secret that Starbucks thrives despite this (I blame suburban moms, the Olsen Twins, and people who think life should be more like The Devil Wears Prada) -- I have -- in recent months -- noticed many people who I generally consider to have good taste cruising around the city with that signature green and white cup in hand. (What's with the Starbucks mascot anyway? Does she represent the currency of the star people?)

It can't be that they don't know any better -- and it's CERTAINLY not because there aren't countless other options -- so it must be something else. Here are a few theories:

Double-fisting Ashely O.

1. People are drinking Starbucks ironically. $4 seems like a lot of money for an ironic gesture, but then again, how can you put a price on irony?  Like the punchline of a Mastercard commercial, it's fucking priceless.

2. People STARTED drinking Starbucks ironically, but then got addicted to those refresher things. I've never tried one but I hear they're delicious. I've heard the same thing about liquid crack.

Also addictive: Starbucks marijuana donuts. Guaranteed to give

you the munchies!

3. In this tough economy, people respect Starbucks for giving employees decent salaries + health insurance; thus the company as a whole has MOVED from the category of Hipster Revileus to Hipster Redemptious, much like '70s era Bruce Springsteen and Al Gore.

4. The whole idea of hipster culture is entirely meaningless. People do what they want.

Not surprisingly, Google returned 0 results of The Boss

 drinking S-bucks. But look, here's a "Glory Days" mug

 with an exclusive design!   America!!!

5. A mysterious airborne disease (possibly spread through the trees?) has taken over Americans' taste-buds, rendering them unable to distinguish delicious coffee from burnt tar shit. People prefer Starbucks to regular coffee and burnst tar shit to all else.


Other theories? Leave 'em in the comments below.

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